PROCESS

Mark 8:34-37

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and the gospel will save it. What good is it for man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Partrick Borja Dream

I told Patrick Borja i had a dream about him last night.

Told him what the story was about.

Don't have no clue what it meant. 

But I told him.

let's wait and see if it actually has sense.

BROKEN DREAMS COMING TO PASS

I am still waiting on God but if this morning's revelation in my heart is part of the confirmation, then I will anticipate excitedly the next ones more.

Kuya Noi, our temporary leader in the worship team, spoke very briefly about the song Prophesy. An insight on the song that I have never really thought of, moreso paid much attention too. It is a powerful song, but in light of what I have been praying for the past weeks, what he said was like a burst of meaning and relevance coming out of nowhere. It made my heart beat...faster. 

"Declare COMING TO PASS to people's BROKEN DREAMS."

I have broken dreams. 

God knows the desires of my heart.

TODAY...I prophesy and speak life into my broken dreams.

In His perfect time, I shall see it in FRUITION.

I shall see it coming to pass.  

and God will be Glorified. 

DI PA HULI ANG LAHAT.

I am 35 years old.

Just 2 days ago, July 10, 2008, I learned how to play

TONG-ITS, PUSOY DOS and POKER!

Finally after how many years...

May na-realize nga ako eh...

kaya pala ang daming tambay sa mga kanto

na nagsusugal ng mga nabanggit kong mga card games,

kasi nakaka-adik nga naman.

Sana lang walang perang involved, I wish people would 

play it like chess, after all, it is a mind game.

A game of strategy.

Okay, don't be alarmed...I know hindi ako magsusugal, 

at higit sa lahat hindi ninyo ko mahuhuli sa kanto kung saan

maraming nagpapalipas-oras sa papamigatan ng mga nabanggit sa itaas.

In the meantime, allow me to just enjoy my newly-learned 'sporting events'. 

I am getting better by the way.

I would like to thank my trainor, Dennies Damaso.

Salamat Coach! 

=)

BUT WHAT DOES GOD WANT?

this is me...but what does God want?

Lord, please let me know...

SHARK and LAVA

My niece is watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl in our room and for some abstract, unexplainable way, Shark and Lava are exactly what I am feeling right now.

My chest is heavy. I am feeling a certain anger and disturbance in my system. You know how ripples in a body of water, big or small, actually are cinematic and photographic subjects, 

but truth of the matter is, despite its aesthetic value, what we actually do when we create a ripple is we bother the calmness of the water. What does the ripple have to do with the shark? Well, I am relying on the sharpness of my teeth to bite this anger from the disturbance. Whoever threw that stone deserves to be 'carnivored'.

Suffice it to say, my calmness has been bothered tonight and my teeth are ready to snap.

My chest is burning. I am feeling a lava lamp bouncing in fluidity in my system. You know why? I miss acting. Allow me to brag a little bit, I am a good actor and I still have so much potential of becoming an even better actor. Lava lamps are fun to watch but that dancing oil inside only becomes entertaining and fun when it's still inside that bottle, and I just don't want to bounce around my bottle, I need to flow. I need this lava lamp, this burning desire to act once again gratified, satisfied, amplified, there's a word I'm looking for that I can't seem to find not even on the tip of my tongue. darn. (goes out of the room and asks the experts) REALIZED. there! (thanks ate jhe).

Please know, my talent that's been in hibernation has been awakened. Who woke it?! Actually I have no clue but I can guess.

Like butter, lard, or left-over adobo in the fridge...It has been hard and stale...today, in a very untimely manner. It's flowing. It's spreadable. It's melting. I don't know how to fulfill it though. Or if I should even plan or make it happen? And by that, I mean...NOW? HOW? 

Is this why I am angry and wanting to bite? 

Why do I want to act again out-of-the-blue?

I don't know. But what I do know is, this disturbance is only for a short period.

I know I will act again, maybe not now, but it's incredibly good to be reminded today that this dream is still in there. Bouncing around.  

SIGAWAN. BULUNGAN. SUMBUNGAN. KAKWENTUHAN.

Today I decide to make my blogspot my 

SIGAWAN - dito ko isusulat lahat ng tuwa at asar ko sa buhay.

BULUNGAN - when I feel I need to just whisper a thought or feeling, sulat ko na rin dito.

SUMBUNGAN - when I complain, most of the time, it's just for me, so di ko kailangan ng reaksyon, pero comment pwede.

KAKWENTUHAN - anything and everything under the sun, I'll share with hasang.

You might ask why the 4 words are in this order. Actually, walang explanation, pero para mukhang may literary structure, sabihin na lang nating, these are my random thoughts. My graffiti board. Sa madaling salita, MY ANYTHING GOES. 

Allow me to remind you and me, that these are my thoughts, they will not necessarily represent my total belief on the mundane and the significant, neither will they be my convictions nor rebellions. They will  just be basically my feelings and thoughts expressed using letters and words in impressionist, realist, and Kandinsky forms.

So I guess, pwede ko na simulan.